Triggered

It's seven years after The Accident and
I'd 'recovered,'
mostly

Living in a small town in the Dominican Republic,
where the biggest road only had one lane
in each direction,
where I only had to drive 10 minutes
to get anywhere,
I was OK
mostly
but not really

I would still dissociate
behind the wheel -
feel like it wasn't me driving,
that I was controlling the puppet
that was my body
from some abstract
floating space
I would grip the wheel, repeat
"I'm driving, I'm here, I'm driving"
over and over

Now in Los Angeles
of all places
some of the biggest freeways,
the most traffic
in the world.

We got a house where
I don't have to get on a freeway
in my daily life,
maximum drive is only 20 minutes
and E. drives whenever we have
to go on the freeway.
Fine?  Fine

And yet
I find myself screaming
involuntarily
body clenching
sure I'm going to kill someone
again
It's horrible
Of course it upsets E.
he tries to reason with me
but

I am beyond reason

Triggered
It's happening

Again